i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
