So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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