Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
