She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Then you guys just all showered together...?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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