Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
