i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
