Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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