Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
