Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
