Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
