Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
