I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
