The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
