Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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