Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
