Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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