hotel room ftw
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
