Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
