I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
