I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wear drunk well.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
