I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
