thus making me awesome and them whores
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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