I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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