i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am midnight drunk by noon
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
