whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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