I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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