I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
