I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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