woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Two words: blizzard sex
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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