i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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