no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
