dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
