I didn't shave. On purpose
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
