i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
