Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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