dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize