She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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