see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
