just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
