My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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