I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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