I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
