I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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