you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
