And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
