they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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