My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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