I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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