Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
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Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
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Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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