I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
...so i touched it.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
