were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
worst night to have a conscience
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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