If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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