Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
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Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
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Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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