I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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