Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
