you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
