i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize