There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
