No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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