Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
